Having part Eastern European heritage means more than possessing an inherent appreciation for kolachy cookies and sturdy, big bones. It gives you random neck hairs, and sometimes chin hairs. They’re thin, transparent vellus hairs that grow to an alarming length. My other half finds it hysterical when he spies one glinting in the sunlight. I do not find this hysterical. Seeing that I otherwise lack body hair, these rebel follicles really piss me off. So, it goes without saying that I became quite verklempt upon viewing myself in just the
right wrong light recently, which highlighted what to appeared to be a burgeoning lady beard. It was beyond a little charming peach fuzz, it was the whole damn orchard. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!?
Horrified, I frantically Googled ways to de-fur myself stat. And that’s when I learned about dermaplaning, a fancy, inoffensive way of saying shaving. You can go to a dermatologist or aesthetician and pay them a ton of money to do it, or do you can do it yourself with these so-called eyebrow shapers. I have no idea how one would shape their brows with these, but for home dermaplaning, they’re not too shabby. They’re not crazy sharp like a regular razor, but when you rake it down your face at just the right angle, they somehow manage to scrape up an incredible amount of dead skin as well as those bastard vellus hairs. It’s not easy and it gave me a whole new appreciation for boy struggles. The key is to do it on dry, clean skin and maintain that 45-degree angle, working on the lower half of the face and the neck, avoiding any serious pimples or other acute issues. If you don’t get it right the first time, resist the urge to go over the same spot multiple times — you’ll risk irritation and folliculitis. When you’ve done it right… smoooooth! You’ll have to consciously keep from rubbing your baby-butt jawline in admiration. Since you’re removing all the dulling dead junk and causing mild microtrauma, it’s a damn good time to follow up with a good serum or treatment since the ingredients will able to penetrate more easily.
And NO. You hair will NOT grow back thicker. Dear God, let that urban legend die.