PS the hipster who brought the PBR probably annoyed his friends by telling everyone he was the one that found the spot, like, two years ago, when everyone else was still drinking in their parents’ basement.
PPS the giant cucumber looking things in the background are totally freaking me out. Are they pine cones? Wild zucchini? Larval Mothra? I would never be able to relax and enjoy my nice room temperature Keystone in that setting.
Let’s talk about empties.
Not about your boyfriend’s savings account or your boss’s soul. Let’s talk about items we actually — gasp! — used up. When you have poorly controlled ADHD like me, using up a product means I didn’t lose it or forget about it, which in turns means it’s good shit. Here are some recent superstars from my world, in no particular order.
Embryolisse Lait Creme Concentrate – a moisturizer with the perfect consistency and scent. (Don’t be distracted by the “concentrate” in the name.) It leaves hands soft but not greasy. It doubles as a fantastic hair cream as it gives that perfect, slightly-dirty but not greasy texture of 2 or 3 day old hair. I’ll put a little bit in, make two Pippi Longstocking braids, and go to bed. The next morning, voila! The perfect lived-in waves. I have a tube on my person at all times.
By Terry Ombre Blackstar Color Fix Cream Eyeshadow in Bronze Moon – literally the perfect neutral warm bronzey-taupe product that works as either liner or shadow. It blends easily and is rock solid until you take it off. It has just enough shimmer to add depth and luminosity, but isn’t showgirl gaudy glittery.
Josie Maran Coconut Watercolor Eyeshadow in Playa del Pink – okay, so I didn’t technically use this up. But the cap/sponge contraption sort of fell apart, rendering it unusable. Because I can be a cheap ass, I tried to siphon what was left into a smaller dropper bottle, but because you have to shake the hell out of this to mix the two components, it didn’t work. So I gave up and ordered another. It is that good! The name “Playa del Pink” is a misnomer in addition to being just stupid. It’s really not that pink, more like a warm toned champagne. I love this stuff by itself all over the lid. It’s perfect neutral wash of color that stays put. It also doubles as an excellent primer if you want to go to town on top of it. It doesn’t crease and doesn’t make your lids look like shriveled prunes, like the Urban Decay eyeshadow primers do.
Oribe Royal Blowout Heat Styling Spray – I don’t know if this product actually does anything except smell incredible and make you feel like a fancy princess getting her hair did. But I’m scared to stop using it.
Moroccanoil Luminous Hairspray, Strong – because I am at once hideously busy and extraordinarily lazy, I wash and style once a week. At the risk of sounding like a cheesy commercial, this actually has amazing hold without being stiff. I can use it a few days in a row and it never feels gunky or like there’s a ton of build-up. Also? It smells incredible.
La Mer lip balm – If this shit came in a tube, I would be hooked, forever-ever. The fact that this is almost gone despite my hatred for sticking a finger into goopy lip balm is a testament to its fabulousness. It’s the perfect texture, lightly minty, and just so fancy.
Sunday Riley Ceramic Slip cleanser – it’s just a cleanser, what’s the big whoop? It smells really nice, never leaves my skin crackly-dry, and serves as an amazing mask when mixed with Sunday Riley Good Genes.
La Mer Creme de la Mer – the O.G. of luxury skin care. I’ve been using this stuff since my early 20s. La Mer’s Soft Cream just doesn’t cut it — don’t waste your money. I actually appreciate La Mer’s presence in my life for more than just my skin. When I was a broke medical student making a few extra bucks selling crap on eBay and actually using hospital meal passes because the food was free, I would buy the smallest jar possible with every loan disbursement, and then use only the bare minimum around my eyes at night to make the jar last as looooooong as possible. These days, it’s Nordstrom triple points and I get a jar. I forget I have a backup jar, so when Barney’s runs their semiannual beauty bag giveaway, I get a jar. Then all the jars come with sample size versions. I have no idea how many of those are laying around. Needless to say, I am more liberal with its use now, and at the end of a long shitty day it is a lovely small luxury to smear a big gob of it all over my face, and in doing so I’m always reminded of those early days — it gives me perspective and helps me appreciate how far I’ve come and how important it is to not take it for granted. Sappy, I know, but it helps; my job is sweatshop-level brutal more times than not and there are days where I really, truly wish I’d made different career/life decisions. Nothing says listen to you playing the world’s saddest song on the world’s tiniest violin like having too much La Mer laying around. Yeah, gratitude is good.
So what have you used up lately? Give me some ideas of new products to covet.